情定愛琴海

        I believe that most of the people have their own expectation in different things. However, I have no exception. Sometimes I expect some stuffs, but it always cannot be come true. I do not know why. The more I expect, the less result I meet. That is what the best description of my life. I rarely expect those who or which is far from me. I just hope it can help me accomplish. As I said in my status of MSN messenger, I may spend whole life to chase or look for those which could be possible or impossible. It is kind of déjà vu. I will not forget forver. I am going to do it day after day, month after month, even year after year. How come? Question exists? No.

        This afternoon, I am going to Fine Art Building to prepare our teamwork presentation for tomorrow. Wow, the closer the presentation, the more nervous I have. 40 students have a seat in front of my eyes and look at you speech. So crazy. Although we have 8 members, including me, in my group, I still feel nervous because I never presented in front of 40 students before. The largest number is approximately 20. So it is the first time to give a presentation. I think this time is more normal because we have to dress business dress. I also never done it before. At the same couse with different geogrphy, international marketing and domestic marketing, we have different dress in both classes. We could take it easy in domestic marketing class, but we must be serious in international marketing class. Now, I just hope I may stay calm, not be more nervous.

        Each time I listen my MP3, I always generate a specific feeling. I also think about why I am always alone. Like other important holiday or somewhere, such as Valentine's Day, Chinese Valentine's Day, Christmas, Fisherman Wharf, etc, both of these factors casue me to dislike it. When I see somebody could stay with their mate in these holidays or places, I have no idea about my terrible feeling. I still think if I am right or I am wrong because it seems to make me stay alone forever. Probably I have to acknowledge that it is my life, and it is real life. I should stop praying for myself. If there is a god, I wonder the reason. Yet I actually do not believe that. Why? Ask again, always. I also have no idea about this complex question. Most of these kinds of things always surround me. Just like O₂ and H₂O. These two materials surround human every day, every year, even until we die in the future. The only different thing is that the two materials human needs it until persons go to Hell or Heaven. In other words, it is necessary for mankind. However, the thing influences is not necessary. Never mind. Alone life has its advantage, and I am ready to do it forever until I die. As my status of MSN messenger indicates, everything is not big deal and follow my feeling to do the things which I think it is right or necessary. I have to live without these damn things that disturbing me and intervening my life. I have to use more positive attitude to create many wonderful things, which I think it is meaningful or hopeful, in my whole life.

        This afteroon, I have a meeting with my team member of this presentation group. We are going to discuss the order we will speech and probably practice one or two times. Presentation day is closer. It is due next Monday. I will present financial highlight during this presentation. Whatever, I may be a little bit nervous because I am going to give presentation in front of about 40 students. It is a big class. In addition, more than 80% of these 40 students are under. Only eight or nine students are graduate students, including me and other 6 persons whose native tongue is Chinese. I actually dislike and hate presentation because it always costs me a lot of time to prepare it. In addition to spending a lot of time on it, I have no much time to do other assignments. This situation make me crazy. When this condition happened, I always think that I do not have enough time to do other businesses. I do not like this feeling because it means I have to stay up until midnight or all night frequently. If I stay up, I may spend couple of days to recover, or I have no energy on doing things because my energy will not come back in one or two days after the day(s) I stay up. What does it stand for? Probably it stands for that I am getting older.

        Finally, I could take a break at this moment. Because I stayed up until 3am at midnight and I came to library before 9am this morning, I finished my part of the presentation. Therefore, I could take a break and be waiting for powerpoint part. Right now, my partner is doing her part. I am tired. A little bit sleepy, but everything is fine. Of course, I really need someone to check my part because I do not know whether or not my overseas sales part is okey. If it does not work, I may redo and rewrite it. In contrast, I could continue doing next part, powerpoint with worldwide part. So I pretty hope to get the answer from leader of our team or from someone who integrates our paper for each member of the group as soon as possible.

        Today, my lunch is in my Vietnam friend's house. I went to there with my two friends who are also from Taiwan. We had some meat, vegetable, soup, and so on. We isolate assignment from entire cooking procedure to clean it up. Girls cooked the meal for everybody, and guys washed dishes. Actually, it is the second time for me to go to foreign students' house even international students' house for meal. Before this time, I had been to Taiwanese students' house for party or Thailand student's house for dinner. However, at this time, it is kind of potlot party because we have to bring some dishes to there. Yet it is not a exact potlot. Girls just borrowed my Vietnam friend's kitchen to cook the meal for everyone even though there are only four people there, one of whom includes me. Whatever, this is a good experience for me. After lunch, two Turkey girls came and ready to prepare dinner because preparing Turkey need to spend a long time. Probably it may cost two or three hours. I do not know the reason why everybody prefer to go to his house to cook. Until couple of minutes ago, we finished our lunch and my Vietnam friend drove me to my apartment. As a matter of fact, I am not pretty closer to him. Because of my two Taiwanese girls, my Vietnam friend and I meet again in his house because the two girls invited my to have lunch with them.

        After lunch time in this afternoon, I went to look for my new apartment's manager. She finally tell me the exact time when the girl is going to move out. I have been waiting for almost two weeks. During this period, I was losing my patience gradually day-after-day. Right now, it is for sure that I can move in on May 14, 2009.  Additionally,  I do no longer worry about that I could have a place to live next semester. It is a good news for me to hear. At that moment, I would like to celebrate it. When my told me that American managers sometimes may forgot someone else had already rented what kinds of the rooms before they signed the lease. Therefore, it would be easier to lose the room what the people were supposed to rent. However, my new manager not only tell me the good news but also want me to bring my passport with visa tomorrow to her office to get another application, which is only for international students. Right now, I have to and need to think about how I move my furniture because I need a truck to give me help. However, another question is followed. Who could drive for me? That is a good and horrible question. Now, I need to concern about this problem.

        Today is April 1. New month, new things. However, my stress is larger and larger. I think I need to work hard on my business because I do not want to fail. Of course, I have another thing I have to do, waiting for response from Ministry of National Defense. Why do I have the answer from this department? Because I intend to go back to Taiwan, I have to book flight ticket on internet. In addition to waiting response, I still need exact time that I plan to rent new apartment in order to make sure when I could move in. But Americans never work effectively. This condition make me angry. To combine these two reasons, I cannot book ticktet now. In other words, I have to wait, but I am tired of waiting because I have no patience on this situation. That is enough.

        Today, I am seeing the snow. It is a blizzard. Not just snow. It is first time for me to see this view. It surprises me. In Taiwan, it is difficult to see snow let alone to see blizzard. It does not blow vertically. It is horizontal. However, it is not a heavy blizzard. It is a little blizzard, but not really heavy. I like it as my personality. So, I hope it just blows as soon as possible without stopping. At least, I can enjoy the colder temperature. 

        Tomorrow is Friday and it is going to snow again in March. According to the weather forecast tool, the snow will continue to next day. That is, it will snow on Saturday. This is great. Of course, I am not sure whether or not it is true. Probably the weather forecast tool may change its forecast tomorrow. And me, I hope it is true because the temperature will be lower. Lower temperature is good for me even though it is really cold even freezing. But switch the side to think of, I have to change my initial appointment that is given a haircut by my friend. Haircut has already delay approximately two weeks and I feel hotter and hotter if I am not given a haircut because my hair has lived on my head since I came back to the United States. The duration has gone to two months. According to my past experience, my hair grows faster. Therefore, I have to cut it per month avoid being longer. Anyway, it is not easy to see snow at daytime in March twice. Exactly, I know it snowed in March before, but it snowed at night, not at daytime.

        Sometimes I may dream about going home. But it just kinds of thought. However, I hope I could really fly back to Taiwan because I intend to take online class in summer 1. Therefore, I may have around two months vacation before coming back to the United States and summer 2 begins. Also, I may be bored if I take online class in summer 1 because I do not need to get to class. Thus, I am still considering going back to Taiwan. Does anyone else give me a perfect suggestion and tell me what to do? Since my cousin came to visit me, I always miss home, especially goes to the end of each year. In other words, I went back to Taiwan each winter vacation. It extremely influences me.

        Yesterday, I did not sleep well. I woke up in the middle of night. I compelled myself to go into my dream. However, I could not. Recently, I was always sleeplessness. I wondered what the reason was, but I got lost. Maybe the reason has existed in my mind for a long time. In other words, I have already known it. I just cannot follow my wish. I even could say my dream or my behaviour that is out of control. Couple of minutes pass, I finally slept. Probably I wanted to go back to Taiwan. Therefore, I always dreamed about going back to Taiwan. The scene connected two different places, one of which must be in Taiwan even though I stayed in different district. Whatever, I just want to kill myself at that moment. In other words, suicide seemed to the only one alternative that I could pick. Yet, just kidding. That is why I overslept until 0930am or 1000am in recent days.

        One week past, I did nothing. Of course, it includes my international marketing assignment, finance level quiz, and macroeconomic weekly assignment. Every day, I have watched TV drama. Oh~gosh. I have to and need to do something, but.... What happen to me? I know I do no longer waste time. However, the truth is opposite of my thought. So fun, doesn't it? Many of the students always do it that never do their assignments til one or two due days before. That is what the students' life. I have no exception.

        Yesterday, I looked for new apartment. I went to see the manager and told her I am going to rent one-bed room in May. She said that somebody will move out in May, but she does not know exact date. So I have to go back to make sure next Tuesday. I hope the person who will move out is really to move because he/she will let me sleep on the road if he/she regret. Now, only one thing I can do is to pray for myself even though I never believe that the god exist in the world. In other words, I am an atheist. If the situation that the person will move out is true, I will be happy. Not only move to a new apartment and live alone, but also I can escape from those whom I hate and dislike seeing in my life. I expect the day and date since last year.

        This week, I have to look for a new apartment, but I am a little bit tired of doing it. Actually, lazy to find one is the proper expression. However, I have to overcome this lazy situation because I may sleep on the road if I still do not find one before this semester finish. I also afraid that I cannot find one which is expected. The new apartment that I expected is better than others even better than current one and its environment is also better than other apartment even though it is not exactly cheap, which I need to pay at least $500 for rent for one-bed room per month, including cable, internet, and water. But make a comparison to current apartment, the current one is expensive because I have to pay $650 for rent for two-bed room per month by myself, excluding cable, electronic, and internet which cost $54 per month and current apartment is not very good if I do not find new roommate before the rent due. Therefore, combining all extra fee and rent may be found out that the rent is totally the same, but the environment is totally different. Sometimes, I might image the condition and situation that is after moving to this one that I expected. So, come on and come on.

        Spring break has begun since yesterday. However, snow was following this afternoon. Today, it snowed at first time in this winter. Of course, nobody, probably, may think that it is not possible to snow in Texas, United States because this region is closer to the tropical area. Yet, it always snow in winter since Global Warming. Sometimes it is going to snow in April, but not frequently. I expected snow for a long time. I prefer to live in cold weather and lower temperature. It suit me and make me feel comfortable. Today, god help me to make my dream come true. Only one thing I feel unfortunately that it only snows one day. When at the beginning of next day, the temperature will go up and be warmer and warmer until fall comes. Therefore, I have to tolerate the hot weather and higher temperature for couple of months.

        Right now, I am studying and trying to finish doing my home-taking exam. But I need answer. Who could give me correct answer? It is difficult to take this exam. After 16 hours, I am going to take multiple choice exam in class. My professor's scheme is heavy. He changes his style and adds one more exam, multi-choice exam, since this semester. Moreover, he changes the questions which capture from textbook on our home-taking exam. All of us try to seek to help from those who had taken this course before, but only few of questions are the same. On the other hand, we cannot work in a group and cannot copy answer from textbook or other sources since this semester as well. How crazy my professor is. I do not believe that he suddenly changes style.

        Today, my professor has changed on-campus class to online class. I did not know this information at all until couple minutes ago. When did she post information today? Only two students, including me, went to class. Why did she cancel class? Right now I finally know the reason because she came down with the flu and has been running high fever. So fun. I just like a.......stupid guy only because I did not check my WT Class mailbox today. That's why I went to class. I check my mailbox every day, but I, today, did not.